“There must be some word today– The Marvelettes
from my boyfriend so far away
Please, Mr. Postman, look and see
is there a letter, a letter for me?”
I got back home to Canberra on Sunday night and quickly prepared for work the next day. There wasn’t any cleaning to do as I hadn’t been home but there were still little pockets of disorder where Liz had left things lying on the ground. She had clearly let herself in when I was out of town to rummage around for any stray items that she had overlooked when she had moved out. There was still some of her things there so I would have to see her at some point either here or work to do some kind of exchange. Having to go through that process should have been the last thing that I wanted to do. But I found myself just wanting to get it over and done with rather than drag it out because I had just had the perfect tonic to my breakup.
On Monday morning, I posted the letter to Alison on my way to work. The letter thanked Alison for inviting me up that weekend. It was very tame and polite.
When I got into work Sandy asked me how the weekend with Alison was and I didn’t do a very good job of keeping my composure. I admitted that it had been fantastic and thanked her for her help in the lead up to the weekend.
I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that Alison and I got up that weekend so when I got a break, I wrote her a letter that was much more intimate. This was the beginning of a long letter campaign and I found that once I started writing it was hard to stop.
The week that followed was somewhat bittersweet. On one hand I was elated; this amazing man had just walked into my life from out of nowhere and answered all my dreams, including the ones I hadn’t known existed. But on the other, he was now 300 km away and, I couldn’t visit him when I wanted or needed him.
One night that week I went to see my best friend Jane who also lived on the uni campus. Her mum was visiting her from the country, and she asked me if I had anyone special at the moment. For the first time in my life I was able to say that I did. That made me feel warm and loved. I think they both could tell just how happy I was.
But it wasn’t enough to just feel loved. I needed him beside me in my arms and in my bed. His absence really began to hurt and by Thursday I was beginning to feel real pain. And then the letters started.
Before I had even one a chance to visit Jeremy in Canberra, he’d already sent me two letters. The first was lovely, saying that he had had a wonderful time visiting me and would be up every minute he spare but the second – oh my! He went into great detail about what he wanted to do with me. So erotic. I felt myself blushing and had to leave the room the first time I read that letter. I couldn’t believe that he was describing me and what he felt for me!
In the first few days following Jeremy’s visit Alison was on cloud nine. We teased her for specifics but other than the broad details she said nothing too incriminating. We could tell that she was smitten as she bounced about the flat. However, she soon began to get a little down as his absence became more real. But on Thursday, a letter for her arrived.
After that letter, Alison immediately perked up and started planning her first trip to Canberra. This seemed to brighten her mood as she began planning her travel. Then, a day later, a second letter arrived.
“A bit keen, isn’t he?” we teased. Alison smiled but then directed her attention to the letter. She said nothing but as she read, we watched her face reddened and she began to grin. “What does he say?”
Alison looked at us with a huge smile, “Oh nothing.”
It is 1am and I cannot get to sleep. I cannot sleep because you are not here and that is all I want. If I cannot be near you, I have to remember you and that is keeping me awake too.
I remember every second of my visit to you. I remember your eyes, your smile, your kiss. I remember your hair, your scent, your skin.
I remember slowly tracing your smooth curves with my fingers as I lay beside you. From your neck down your shoulders and along your arms to the tips of your fingers and back. From your shoulder to your breast – only reluctantly leaving to trace from your ribs down to your waist.
I remember kissing your belly and your thighs. I kissed your wetness, I drank you in.
I see nothing now, but I feel everything.
I don’t want money, I don’t want fame, I want don’t sleep.
I just want you.