“I’ve got a brand-new pair of roller skates-Melanie Safka
and you’ve got a brand-new key
I think that we should get together
and try them on to see.”
If after our role-playing and what happened at Bondi it still wasn’t evident that we trusted and loved each other to keep this relationship on track, then Alison’s next letter put paid to that concern. We had both just demonstrated that we were willing to take intimate directions from each other in order to satisfy our desires and I thought that this might be a good opportunity to ensure that I was giving Alison exactly what she wanted.
I always wondered if my efforts might be just missing the mark and I wanted to make sure that Alison was always satisfied. I rang her one night and tired my best to explain to her that I was quite happy for her to “switch the landing lights on,” – so to speak – and guide me in on her final approach. “Up a bit, left a bit, faster, slower, go back.” That sort of thing. I honestly didn’t mind being told exactly what to do.
But somehow my message didn’t translate as well as I thought it had because in her next letter Alison wrote the following:
I too like the idea of being controlled, so if you have any desire to tie me down onto any surface and have wild exhausting sex with me, I can’t say that I would disagree.
So, I suppose that now I’d just have to.
We had really taken our game to a whole new level in recent weeks and my competitive streak had been overtaken by my desire to push the envelope. Jeremy called, and we talked about what to do next and we agreed to explore some light restraining. But secretly I found myself gushing at the idea of him being not so gentle with me. I wrote to him that day and began to plant the seed.
The next morning, I ransacked the pile of Cleos in the flat again and took them out on to the balcony so I could skim them for new ideas. I’d just opened one up to the “sex” page and started to read when Camilla came out for a chat.
“Good morning, beautiful day,” she said.
“So warm, I could stay here forever.”
“Bit of light reading?”
“Yeah,” I replied, absent minded.
Camilla looked at the article I had open a little closer, “Planning a threesome, are we?”
I suddenly remembered what page I had open when she came out. I suppose I should have panicked and made some lame excuse, but something had come over me in the last few months.
“Perhaps,” I said, “are you available?”
One morning, I found Alison sitting on the balcony surrounded by a pile of magazines. She usually only had textbooks with her, so I decided to investigate whilst saying hello. As I approached, I could see that she seemed to have found all the Cleos in the apartment and was skimming through them as if she was looking for something specific.
I said good morning and then noticed that the one she had was opened to an article on ménage à trios. Seeing an opportunity for a quick tease I flippantly asked her if she was planning a threesome!
Without the slightest hesitation, Alison looked me straight in the eye and said, “Maybe, would you like to join us?”
I laughed but Alison was stone-faced, not even slightly fazed. She was serious! Fumbling for a reply I said that I’d think about.
It was a spur of the moment remark but the more I thought about it the more I came to think that Camilla was the perfect choice to join us. Firstly, I knew her so we wouldn’t need to go out somewhere to meet and pick her up; secondly, she was attractive and that would appeal to Jeremy – if he needed any encouragement; and thirdly, she’d completed her studies and was leaving us at the end of the year, so we wouldn’t have to worry about any awkwardness after December.
I was a little rattled after my conversation with Alison. I suppose I could have laughed it off or alternately been outraged but I was neither. A little shocked, yes, but after a day of tossing over her boldness in my head, I found my mind turning to the substance of her proposition. If she was really proposing a threesome with Jeremy, and he was okay with it, then what would that entail?
Far from repelling me, I found myself trying to think through all the permutations of an encounter. Obviously, we would all have to be naked in front of each other. That would be easy for them but I wasn’t in that relationship so that would be a big step for me. And after that, Alison and I would have to live together with the knowledge of each other’s bodies and seeing each other’s immodesty. Also, if I was invited then I expect that I wasn’t there just to be an observer, or was I? Who could touch me, where could they touch, did I have to touch Alison, would Jeremy and I have sex?
A couple of days later, I was sitting in the lounge room and Camilla came in. We were alone but she still looked around before she came over and sat down with me. We made a little small talk and then the room went silent.
After an awkward pause she said, “About the other day.”
“Were you serious?”
I paused, “yes.”
“Does Jeremy know?”
“We have talked about the idea he doesn’t know that I’ve spoken to you. And I’ve only spoken to you.”
“Have you thought about the consequences: jealousy, awkwardness etc?”
“A little. The one thing that I keep coming back to is that in a few months’ time you will have moved out of here and on to the rest of your life. It might sound callous but, in all honesty, we probably won’t see each other again.”
“Okay. Thank you for talking about this.”
“One more thing. I asked you because of all the people I know, I know that I trust you, whatever you decide.”
“Thank you. I’ll think about it.”
“And also, because your boobs are smaller than mine!”
The thing that Alison said about our lives inevitably diverging soon had really struck a chord. I didn’t know where my life would take me from here, but chances are that I would never get another offer like this. Not with two people that I knew which gave me a measure of control over the situation and safety. There were plenty of pitfalls but really all the risk was on their side. It was their relationship not mine. They would have to carry any potential guilt with them, not me. I wasn’t asking for this, they were.
That night I invited Alison to my room to discuss further. The mood got serious quickly.
“I’ve been thinking about your proposal, and I wanted to ask some questions.”
“Have either of you done this before?”
“No, but we have talked about it. We haven’t talked about you. This was my idea, not Jeremy’s.”
“Okay, this is a personal one, do you have unprotected sex?”
“Yes, we have been doing it that way for months. I didn’t have anything before I met Jeremy and I haven’t picked up anything from him since we started. He is very clean.”
“Is he rough?”
“Oh god no! He takes his time and he’s gentle, that’s kind of his hook.”
I thought about that and smiled. “Thank you, you’ve given me a lot to think about.” I mulled over the idea for a few more days. I didn’t consider myself a prude. I loved sex and had missed not having anyone in my life recently. And it didn’t make it any easier seeing Alison so clearly smitten with Jeremy who, I must admit, was quite the catch. And now that Alison had put the offer on the table, I could finally admit to myself something that I had been denying for quite some time that, in all honesty, I really wanted to fuck him.