“I won’t leave,– Dido
I can’t hide,
I cannot be,
Until you’re resting here with me.”
After the excitement of the weekend, Alison and I then finally got to play at being a married couple for the rest of that week, albeit a couple who were comfortably able to stay at home and not have to pay rent. Early retirees, I guess. I had a very pleasant time and don’t think that I gave Alison any reason to doubt my suitability going forward. I did what I would normally do in that situation, wash and clean and mow the lawn and do the shopping. Alison showed me around her hometown, but I didn’t get to meet any old school friends as they had all moved away to attend university or work.
At night we spent more time talking and enjoying simple pleasures such as watching movies while snuggling on the couch rather than maintaining the intense pace of our physical relationship we had up to that point. Alison didn’t let me off the hook though. She was serious when she said that she expected me to fuck her to sleep every night. Quite the best way to get to sleep in my opinion. But rather than the previous post-coital chats we now started using our talking as part of our foreplay. I asked her if she had had any new ideas for fun and she said that she had been working on something special for a while but wasn’t sure yet if it would happen. She assured me that it would be a pleasant first-time experience for both of us.
Eventually I had to leave and go back home to work. Alison still had another week in Bathurst before she returned to Sydney for her exams. We’d had a great time together and both wished that it wouldn’t end. So, parting again was sad, but we knew that would see each other soon and Christmas was not far away.
But as I drove home, I felt that something was not right. It wasn’t lust, it was way more than that. After I left, I began to feel real loss. That was the first time that I began to understand love. I wasn’t just a positive emotion there was a downside too.
The day after Jeremy left was a particularly bad day for missing him. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and I wanted that time to start right now. I wanted him to know that was thinking of him all the time and that we would overcome any problem we faced together.
In the midst of my depression, caused by his absence, I was happy, elated in fact, because I had found my perfect man. I loved everything about him: his mind, his affection, his body, his eyes and smile and the best bit of all was the air about him that warmed me – like the rest of him – and made me feel sexy, loved and protected. It excited me to think that I was going to feel these things forever. Even if full time army service didn’t work out next year, I was still going to Canberra for six months. My flat mates – Fiona, Linda and Sarah – were going to get a three-bedroom place in Sydney next year and I would swap with one of them in July when I came back.
I wanted to remember everything that I was feeling that day, so I wrote it down in a letter, knowing that Jeremy would always keep it:
All I can remember today is the past week, and other days we have spent together, thinking that I am having the most wonderful days of my life so far. I am sad today but also excited about next year. To think I will be able to kiss, cuddle, and have brilliant sex every single day, I can’t wait.
The sadness is due to your absence. It is 2:30pm and all I have done is sleep and think about is you and I maximising the time we can possible spend together in the next couple of months. It was good therapy, because if I didn’t do it all I would do is lie here, very down in the dumps, thinking the whole time how my future husband is too far away and that you’re not lying here naked in my arms. Even clothed would do as long as you are here with me.
I pulled mum’s ring out again and put it on. I was so happy to see that it fits. Wearing it made me very excited about us and our future together. I hope you don’t mind talking about this constantly, but it’s the one thing that is getting me though the days without you. That and the memory of what we have already done. I think that we have come a long way in such a short time and I love it.
I keep writing to record on paper, like I have before, the passion that we experience every time we come together as one. I hope that you can use this and the memories to satisfy yourself as though you were with me in the two weeks to come without me.
When we are together, every time we have sex, it is as though it is the first time meeting after a long time apart. It’s perfect, you’re perfect. The anticipation and excitement levels are high. The passion starts lowly, kissing softly moving our hands over our clothed bodies, until we have covered all bases and we hunger for more.
The way you slowly peel off my clothes, kissing the revealed skin as you go turns me on no end. To feel that you are hard under your shorts and then to visualise it makes me want to take you in my mouth and lick you until you explode – you taste so good – alternatively you play with my breasts, moving your finger or tongue around my nipples until they are hard, making me squirm with excitement long before you to insert yourself inside of me.
Our kissing has become powerful and sloppy as we can’t get enough of each other. I can’t take it any longer I must have you inside of me. We seem to think alike. There are moans from both of us as you slide your hard dick inside of me for the first inwards movement. I’m sitting on top of you so a can feel you deep inside of me almost to my belly button.
We take our time moving rhythmically, each stroke meaning we are both closer to the feeling of ecstasy. We change positions to increase the friction or relieve our tired bodies that are worn out from long and fantastic sex, you come inside of me, your moans, groans and facial expression tell me all. I love it. Better yet I love you. Afterwards, I love it that we cuddle and kiss and talk either of what just happened or talk of our future together.
Sweetie, I hope this helps during the long and painful time apart. I’m already experiencing chest pains from your absence. I look forward to hearing your voice over the phone.
I love you more than anything in the world.
Lots and lots of love from your devoted girlfriend (soon to me more) Alison xo